Purported to be requests to complete the proverb with the missing words...
-------------------------------------------
1. A miss is as good as a ____
Mr.
2. Better to be safe than ____
punch a 5th grader
3. Strike while the ____
bug is close
4. It's always darkest before ____
daylight saving time
5. Don't bite the hand that ____
looks dirty
6. You can't teach an old dog new ___
...math.
7. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ___
...stink in the morning.
8. Love all, trust ___
...me.
9. The pen is mightier than the ___
...pigs.
10. An idle mind is ___
...the best way to relax.
11. Where there's smoke there's ___
...pollution.
12. Happy the bride who ___
...gets all the presents.
13. A penny saved is ___
...not much.
14. Two's company, three's ___
...the Musketeers.
15. Don't put off till tomorrow what ___
...you put on to go to bed.
16. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ___
...you have to blow your nose.
17. There are none so blind as ___
...Stevie Wonder.
18. Children should be seen and not ___
...spanked or grounded.
19. If at first you don't succeed ___
...get new batteries.
20. You get out of something only what you ___
...see in the picture on the box.
21. When the blind leadeth the blind ___
...get out of the way.
22. Better late than ___
...pregnant.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
"Don't Mess in Texas."
This is an actual response to an environmental complaint in Texas. It was referred to a county judge, and his response is attached verbatim. The complaint is so-so; the response is priceless.
TCEQ Complaint Report
Incident No: 136928
Media Type: Water
Start Date: 3/7/2010
Received Date: 03/09/2010
Priority: Refer or Do Not Respond
Regulated Entity: Generic Incident Zip Code 76687
RN104041538
Address: Limestone County
Number Complaining: 1
Frequency: Current
Program Group: Water Quality - High Level
Nature: Ossf
Effect: Environmental
Initial Problem
Limestone County
On 03/09/2010 a complaint was received at the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality Waco Regional Office. The complainant alleged that David Cousins had been leasing out a hunting cabin and allowing the hunters to defecate [sic] in the woods. It also alleged that there is no restroom, and Mr. Cousins is planning to extend plumbing into a creek next to cabin. The cabin is located at [address deleted].
Action Taken
This incident was received by the Region 9 Water Section and assigned to an investigator.
Pursuant to the Texas Administrative Code Title 30 §285.71(a) - Authorized Agent Enforcement of OSSF Complaint, this complaint is within the jurisdiction of the local code enforcement authority of Limestone County, Texas.
On 03/17/2010 this complaint was referred to the Judge Daniel Burkeen, Authorized Agent, Limestone County, for further investigation.
Response from Judge Burkeen
State of Texas
Limestone County
March 31, 2010
Daniel Burkeen
County Judge
Mr. Tim Blackmon
Water and Waste Section Work Leader
Waco Regional Office
Texas Commission on Environmental Quality
RE: TCEQ Incident No. 136926
Dear Tim:
We have had some delay in our investigation of the incidents alleged in the complaint which you kindly forwarded to us. The problem is, we have recently had a rash of reports of cows, horses, sheep and goats defecating at will in pastures throughout the county. On top of this, we suspect that wild hogs, deer, and all sorts of other animals are defecating without even trying to find a proper facility. In addition, I have personal proof on my windshield of a mischievous bird defecating in flight. The culprit flew away, but I did get a description. It was red. The gift it left was white.
In order to complete our investigation, I must ask, we should inquire into urination, or only defecation? I strongly believe that both are taking place, since hunters have long been suspected of taking a good amount of liquid refreshments with them into the woods. Also, we are collecting samples of the activities of these diabolical, defecating, reprobates. Should we send these to you, or directly to Austin?
Lastly, please allow us to handle this at the local level, and do not involve the federal government. When it comes to matter of excessive defecation, Washington bureaucrats would only add to our misery.
"Don't Mess in Texas."
Very truly yours,
signed
Daniel Burkeen
TCEQ Complaint Report
Incident No: 136928
Media Type: Water
Start Date: 3/7/2010
Received Date: 03/09/2010
Priority: Refer or Do Not Respond
Regulated Entity: Generic Incident Zip Code 76687
RN104041538
Address: Limestone County
Number Complaining: 1
Frequency: Current
Program Group: Water Quality - High Level
Nature: Ossf
Effect: Environmental
Initial Problem
Limestone County
On 03/09/2010 a complaint was received at the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality Waco Regional Office. The complainant alleged that David Cousins had been leasing out a hunting cabin and allowing the hunters to defecate [sic] in the woods. It also alleged that there is no restroom, and Mr. Cousins is planning to extend plumbing into a creek next to cabin. The cabin is located at [address deleted].
Action Taken
This incident was received by the Region 9 Water Section and assigned to an investigator.
Pursuant to the Texas Administrative Code Title 30 §285.71(a) - Authorized Agent Enforcement of OSSF Complaint, this complaint is within the jurisdiction of the local code enforcement authority of Limestone County, Texas.
On 03/17/2010 this complaint was referred to the Judge Daniel Burkeen, Authorized Agent, Limestone County, for further investigation.
Response from Judge Burkeen
State of Texas
Limestone County
March 31, 2010
Daniel Burkeen
County Judge
Mr. Tim Blackmon
Water and Waste Section Work Leader
Waco Regional Office
Texas Commission on Environmental Quality
RE: TCEQ Incident No. 136926
Dear Tim:
We have had some delay in our investigation of the incidents alleged in the complaint which you kindly forwarded to us. The problem is, we have recently had a rash of reports of cows, horses, sheep and goats defecating at will in pastures throughout the county. On top of this, we suspect that wild hogs, deer, and all sorts of other animals are defecating without even trying to find a proper facility. In addition, I have personal proof on my windshield of a mischievous bird defecating in flight. The culprit flew away, but I did get a description. It was red. The gift it left was white.
In order to complete our investigation, I must ask, we should inquire into urination, or only defecation? I strongly believe that both are taking place, since hunters have long been suspected of taking a good amount of liquid refreshments with them into the woods. Also, we are collecting samples of the activities of these diabolical, defecating, reprobates. Should we send these to you, or directly to Austin?
Lastly, please allow us to handle this at the local level, and do not involve the federal government. When it comes to matter of excessive defecation, Washington bureaucrats would only add to our misery.
"Don't Mess in Texas."
Very truly yours,
signed
Daniel Burkeen
Dr Bumbutu
A flat-chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breast without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes And said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?' Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes And said, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?' Yes I am.. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER!
It's that time of the year again!!
Don't Forget Next Saturday!
WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY
Don't forget to mark your calendars.
As you may already know, it is a sin for Muslim males to see any woman other than his wife naked, and if he does, he must commit suicide. So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God bless America !
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
